Anatomy of a Bad Boss

Those who have worked in any corporate establishments or read dilbert books will know Bad bosses are everywhere- in next cubicle, that guy buying groceries or simply your friends’ managers. I summarize a few reflections (and Dilbert Books) on the subject:

1. If it succeeds its mine, if it fails its your head: All bosses steal credit for their subordinates’ work, it is the law of the land. All employees should essentially come to grip with this and take it as de rigueur. However, a truly bad boss is delusional- he actually has convinced himself that he and he alone is responsible for all work ever done in the universe. If the floor is gleaming- he stayed up all night scrubbing it, if terrorist attacks were prevented in Czechoslovakia, then he was the one who first finished the reports due Monday, stopped time, changed in to a superman costume- flew to Czechoslovakia and killed those terrorists.

2. A Bad boss regards amoeba as a slightly more intelligent life form than you- nothing you do is or will ever be good enough for him. However, the true masters of the craft have developed a condescending tone flecked with infinite patience which lets you know that he expected this inferiority all along. And has resigned against his fate. He treats you like a demented poor relation locked in the basement, let out only to scare away unwanted guests.

3. Your career is just one of the million irritating bugs waiting to be crushed : A bad boss ensures your only exposure to people in high up in the hierarchy is limited to him showing photos of the board to you every six months.

4. Your fear is their food – unless you are quaking in your boots, he isn’t happy. Bad bosses thrive on terrorizing their subordinates. They ensure bossophobia becomes a way of life for all the juniors, the mere sound of their voices is enough to give them dysfunctional bowel movements for weeks. This way they know, they can accuse their juniors of all evils under the sun and they would be too terrified to actually seek any recourse whatsoever.

5. Bad bosses have the greatest retention technique known to man up their sleeves, they kill ambition: A bad boss is from break their spirit school of thought if you keep a bird caged enough for long the poor sucker will simply forget the fact he can actually fly…His verbal attacks blows self-esteem to smithereens much like American guided missiles destroying small tribal villages in Afghanistan.

6. A bad boss times your lunch breaks, coffee breaks and bathroom breaks. If you visit the bathroom three times a day, you need to produce a doctors slip permitting you a fourth. He knows you for the worthless slacker that you are…and needs to ensure he has a whip thicker than the Egyptians to get your ass in to fighting shape.

7. Insulting your subordinates is a Performance Art: A bad boss knows that his core competency is the incessant insults he can heap on his inferiors (read subordinates), but why should he hide his light under a bushel when he can give this performance the benefit of an audience?

Whether circumstances make a bad boss or bad boss makes these circumstances, this is one of those cosmic unanswerable chicken and egg questions. But my recommendation is recognize badbossilitis early on and run as far and as fast as you can, because this is dangerous and contagious!!